When You Feel Hurt By the Church (with Kristen Joy) - Episode 10


Friends, I cannot wait for you to listen to this episode. It had a profound impact on me, and I know it will for you, too.

Kristen Joy and I met thanks to mutual friends and the online world, but I already feel like we are soul sisters! She is a wife, homeschool mom, former pastor’s kid, and a pastor’s wife. Through her own family’s experiences, Kristen is passionate about encouraging and coming alongside those hurt by the Church. 

In this episode, we talk about Kristen’s personal experience with the Church, where God is in our suffering, how we attach our view of God to human leadership, and what a healthy church looks like. You’ll hear Kristen’s passion on why we shouldn't give up on the Church, and I know you’ll walk away from this episode with hope!

My Key Takeaways

1) Our suffering is not God trying to teach us a lesson. We suffer because there is sin in the world. Even though its hard to imagine, it breaks God’s heart even more than it does ours. In our suffering, He is present and we can bring our hurt to Him.

2) It’s easy to place our view of human leaders on God. And He’s nothing like them! Its normal that we as humans learn to relate in this way, but we need to remind ourselves that He is not like us. The hurtful words others may have spoken over us are not true of what God says about us.

3) You have permission to heal as you need. Situations like taking a break from church or bible study are often shame-filled conversations. But like we talked about in this episode, it’s okay to need to process pain away from where the pain is. Take these steps intentionally and with goals of restoration.

4) Sometimes self-protection becomes self-harm. Close to the topic of church hurt is bitterness. Kristen was so encouraging for those who have experienced hurt to guard their heart against bitterness. Bring it the Lord. Ask Him for help. Seek counsel. And while it won’t be an overnight event, it is worth the work.

5) The identity God has given us is the one that will never fade. But often we make idols out of other identities we hold to so tightly. This can lead to us being easily offended, carrying unnecessary weight, and experiencing relational brokenness. Instead, Kristen encouraged us to bear with each other in love and look for attributes of God in others as well.

Resources Related or Mentioned

Where I've Been Wandering

Recently, Psalm 62 has been so anchoring in my own walk. I encourage you to read through the entire psalm, but these are some verses that I camped out on:

Verse 1: “For God alone my soul waits in silence.” Am I waiting for the hope of someone else and their thoughts of me, or am I waiting for God alone? 

Verse 2: “He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.” There is much to see in the world that can shake us right now. This verse reminded me that while emotions can ebb and flow, we have this rock to lean on. It’s not that we are stable, but that He is stable!

Verse 9: “Those of low estate are but a breath; those of high estate are a delusion.” I just kept coming back to pride when I read this - both thinking too highly or too lowly of ourselves. Like Kristen and I talked about in this episode, humility is thinking rightly about ourselves. I’ve just been asking God for this lately!

Friend, let this be our prayer. “God, help me see myself the way You see me.” Verse 10 it tells us that power belongs to God, and we can count on this. It’s not just the power to save us, but to continually transform us. Thank you, Lord!

Help Us Spread the Word

We want this to be an honest, encouraging, and inspirational resource to remind you that you're not alone, that you truly can grow closer to God each day, and that you have all you need to be transformed by the Word. We'd love for you to help us tell other women about it! You can do that in 2 ways:

1) If you listen on Apple Podcasts, please take a moment to leave a review! That's such a big help to us.

2) Send the link to this episode to a couple friends or family members that should hear it. I hope it even launches some good conversations!


Again, thank you for listening and we'll be back with Episode 11 in just a couple weeks!

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