Last week I shared in a podcast episode that I am a control freak. Anybody else? This week I thought, since we’re already in confession mode, I might as well share another thing I need to confess and bring into the light……
I fear what people think of me.
I could go on and on into the details of this crippling fear, where it came from (spoiler alert: the pit of hell!), and how I’ve let it hold me back for so long… but honestly, that doesn’t feel very helpful to you OR to me. So instead, here’s something I’m going to write today that I hope I’ll look back at weeks and months and years into the future as a reminder of how good my God has been, how faithful He is, and how His voice is the only voice I need to lean in to hear in the chaotic and uncertain times.
You see, today I’m walking in miracles that God has done for me in the past. They may have occurred at a previous date and time - but I’m still walking in the light of those miracles today!
I’m walking in miracles that God has done for me in the past.
Just like the Israelites were instructed: “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children— “ Duet 4:9
It’s important for us to tell our stories, and more importantly, the stories of how God has carried us through, not just to ourselves but to others. It’s important for us to tell these stories to our kids, and our grandkids, our family and our friends! Do you know why this is such an important practice? Because this is how we put our trust in a faithful God. When the future looks SO uncertain to us, we can look back at all the times He’s been faithful to us and say, “He was faithful THEN and He will be faithful AGAIN.”
He was faithful THEN and He will be faithful AGAIN.
Here is my best real-life, honest-to-goodness example…
My husband and I have been foster parents nearly our entire marriage. Five months after we brought our firstborn son into the world, we took in our first long-term foster placement - a newborn boy we picked up from the hospital a few days after he was born. Our boys were merely 5 months apart and we had glorified twins! By the time they were 2 years old I became pregnant again and gave birth to our second biological child, a daughter. Just a few weeks later we were told that a half sibling to our foster son was due to be born a few months after the birth of our daughter and our agency needed to know if we were willing to take the infant as well.
I wish I could say I had the faith that this was God’s plan for us - but I was TIRED with a capitol T. My husband instantly said, “YES,” but my heart hesitated. “I told you I would never do this again, God!” I angrily and pridefully voiced in those days. “It’s too much,” I later told a friend. “Amelia, don’t you think that God allowed this situation to be identical to the last because He wants you to know that He was faithful then, and He will be faithful again?” Her perspective cut straight to my heart. I was putting limits on His faithfulness. I was allowing the fear of the future of two 2 yr old boys, a 5 month old girl, and another newborn girl limit my trust in Him. I was allowing the fear of others’ thoughts to supersede the thoughts of my Father.
My focus was wonky at best, and the remedy? To look back at the past and SEE how His faithfulness had carried me through. How His uncomfortable grace in my life looked like giving me the opportunity to pour myself out for these beautiful babies I’ve been gifted. To serve them and love them how He called and created me to - and all to HIS glory and not my own.
God’s faithfulness was so much bigger than my doubts and fears.
That day I realized that God’s faithfulness was so much bigger than my doubts and fears. It was SO much bigger than the, “WOW, You’ve got your hands full!” comments at the grocery stores (except, let’s be honest… I never got my own groceries at that point in life). It was so much bigger than the story I had allowed others to tell me I was living. That His constant love and mercy in my life was so much greater than my feeble attempts at being worthy of the call He placed on my life. Because the truth is, I wasn’t enough then and I can’t be enough now - but God is and was and always will be enough.
God is and was and always will be enough.
THAT is the message I want to document here today to look back on when I need to tomorrow. I need a reminder that God Himself has called me to encourage women JUST LIKE YOU to be in His presence every. single. day. I need a reminder that it was HIS voice I heard at 14 saying, “You will be a powerful voice for my Kingdom someday.” It was His Spirit inside me that guided every step into the wilderness last year and every step outside of it since. It was His voice that said, “You will invite women to wander in the wilderness with me.” It was His heart pouring into mine that lets me pour out into yours today that says, “He is all you need.” Not because I’m enough - because HE is enough.
Here are some specific reminders:
- When I was 14, I heard the call on my life that God was going to gift me to be a communicator of His grace and invite women into the secret place with Him.
- When I was 18, God guided my steps to change my major in college from Music to Psychology so I could better understand how to serve women from hard places.
- When I was 21, God taught me that every day life is where lessons are learned best and it was going to be a while before I would be prepared to minister to women.
- When i was 24, God reminded me that His timing was better than mine and I would be no good for His Kingdom if it wasn’t Him who “built the house” - I would just be laboring in vain (Psalm 127:1)
- When I was 28, God told me that the lessons I was learning in Motherhood would be invaluable lessons of serving others in ministry someday.
- When I was 29, God gently taught me that my foundation and identity need to be rooted in Him - otherwise I would crumble.
- When I was 30, God showed me that not one single person on earth can tell me what HE has called me to - that’s the Spirit’s job. People can either affirm and encourage that voice, or I can allow the fear of man to discourage me from His Kingdom calling and build something He never intended me to build.
These reminders are vital to what we do here at Wandering Wilde and more than that - I will no longer apologize for what God has called our team to. I won’t hide behind my fear of my own imperfections. I won’t hide behind my fear of what someone else thinks of me. I know what He’s called me to. I know what His voice has said. I know I am standing on the Rock. I know that trials WILL come and He will stand by me. He and I? We’re good. More than good. And I don’t need to be afraid.
He has the SAME faithfulness for you.
You know what else I know?? He has the SAME faithfulness for you. Whatever your calling, whatever His gifts are in YOU - He is going to use that! Get ready, my friend - because there is a Kingdom coming here on earth as it is in heaven and God’s going to use you in a mighty way! As for Wandering Wilde, we’re not going to stop until every single thing God has for us to do is done.
Thank you for being here. I can’t wait to keep wandering with you!
Learn more about our passion at Wandering Wilde to create tools to make your time in the secret place personal and intentional. We invite you to the wilderness for a time each and every day, where nothing hinders you from experiencing the very presence of God Himself.